"You think you know what you are looking for. But you know something? Your choices do not show that you know what you are looking for. In fact, you are actually deceiving yourself thinking you are looking for what you think you are looking for."
Are you confused? 🙂
Well, to cut the long story short, this is someone who told me that he does not mind whether the girl is pretty or not, is young or not, is slim or not. He is just looking for someone whom he can share his life with. Someone whom he can connect with. Sounds like the perfect guy, and perhaps the only guy who is not biologically driven (or some might say shallow)?
The only problem is… his choices in girls show otherwise. Just like most guys out there, he chooses the 'sweet young things'. And when presented with ladies who are not that young, not that slim, and not that good looking, he is nice to them, but he simply is not that interested. And he would cite reasons such as, "We do not have that much in common," or "She is not my type…"
I don't know what's worse. A guy who is biologically driven and knows it, or a guy who thinks he is not biologically driven but in actual fact, he is.
It is so important to know what we are looking for in an ideal partner. And the reasons why we make these choices.
My hubby Jamie like most guys out there used to be extremely biologically driven. He only pursued the prettiest girls in school. Given his height and brooding good looks (in my opinion, haha!), he was quite popular in university. The funniest thing was, he never knew that he was 'shallow' until one of his friends pointed it out to him one day. And then he suddenly realised that he actually did not have much in common with some of these pretty girls that he was pursuing. And that was when he started to ponder on what mattered to him most when it comes to a long-term relationship.
It is an 'open joke' in our relationship that Jamie did not even remember the first time he met me. (I know…) Let's just put it this way… my physical appearance has improved leaps and bounds since Jamie and I first met. I used to have bad skin, frizzy hair, bad makeup skills and poor dress sense. The only reason why our relationship progressed beyond the first meet up is because in Jamie's words,
"We connected very well!"
We could talk for hours. (We can still talk for hours.) And again, in his own words, "She became prettier and prettier as I got to know her!" (Yes, makeup and a good hair cut does do wonders!)
In the end, Jamie chose friendship that blossomed into romantic love. However, most men would choose love (or lust) and hope that friendship will eventually blossom.
We all have a choice. Whatever your choice is, just remember that you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Depending on what age you marry, that could be 40, 50, 60 or even 70 years, and that's a long long time. As for people who tell you… marriage has 3 rings, the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering, well… you know what they might have chosen. 😉 Or you could be like some of us who would say on our wedding day,
"Today, I will marry my best friend. The one I laugh with, live for, love."