Jamie and I dated for 5 years before we tied the knot. And this year, we will be celebrating our 5th year anniversary! So all in all, we have been together for 10 years. I think this is definitely a momentous milestone for us.
Many friends have asked me, "Violet, what is the secret to a happy marriage? You and Jamie look happy all the time! What's your secret?"
Hence, I thought I would take this opportunity to share my 'secrets' with you! 🙂
Secret No 1: Choosing the Right Mate
This is the most crucial factor. Because if you choose the wrong person, it is going to be an uphill task trying to make things right subsequently in the marriage. If you choose the right person, you are 50% on your way!
Doesn't sound difficult does it? Choosing the right mate. The problem is, a lot of us are choosing based on the wrong criteria. I myself have been guilty of this. We make our 'list' and it usually includes superficial criteria such as 'height, body build, social status, educational level etc.' I understand that these criteria help with the filtering process, but more importantly, I challenge you to think of your criteria in a different way.
"Would having 'this quality' make a good husband/good wife and good dad/mum?"
So for example, if you are a lady, you would then ask, "Would he being 1.75m make him a good husband?"
Or if you are a guy, the question would be, "Would she being beautiful like a model make her a better mother?"
The next series of questions would be,
"Can you foresee yourself growing old with him/her? Can you imagine sitting side by side with him/her on a garden bench when both your hands and faces are wrinkled?"
I am sure when you enter a relationship, you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. If you cannot stomach the thought of spending the next 50 years with the same person, chances are, he/she is not the right person.
My third question to you is,
"Do you even like him/her? Is he/she your best friend? Are you able to share your deepest and darkest secrets with him/her? If given a choice, would you like to spend 24 hours/7 days a week with him/her?"
Jamie and I spend almost 24 hours with each other. We work together, and at work we sit opposite one another. We lunch together on most days if we do not have lunch appointments. He is my best friend. And every night, after we have put the kids to bed, we will wind down sitting on the sofa in our room, he with his hot chrysanthemum tea, and me with my hot green tea, just talking about our day, and planning for the next day.
I really do not understand people who leave work as early as possible in the morning, and go home as late as possible at night, not because they are fooling around outside, but they are trying to minimize spending too much time with their spouse. To me, that's just crazy. I understand that not every couple out there are as sticky as us. However, I think it is important that you actually like each other's company. Because if not, what is the point? Hence, it is so important to choose the right person, because when that happens, making your marriage work becomes much easier! 🙂 If you are looking to find your other half iMarriages is the place you should be looking.
(This is part 1 of a 3 part series. Sign up for my updates using the Subscribe Form on the left sidebar to be informed of the subsequent installments)