I came across your blog as I am desperately looking for an answer. So here’s my story. My boyfriend and I met at work. He has recently returned to Singapore while I am staying behind in Hong Kong. We have been having a long distance relationship for the past six months. Everything was going very well in spite of the distance. We were very close and talk to each other often. We have even made marriage plans for the near future. Then about a month ago, everything changed literally overnight. He refused to talk to me after a minor argument which we could easily work out as a mature couple. He told me to give him some time which I did. And a week ago, he decided that we are no long compatible. Violet, this is very hard for me to believe because he had only reassured his commitment to our relationship just the night before the ‘fight’. What do you think is going on? I am heartbroken and devastated. What is wrong here? Please help!
Thank you for your letter.
I understand that having invested so much love and time into your relationship with your boyfriend, let’s call him X, you must be really devastated and frustrated with the current situation.
Based on what you have told me, I can’t really point out what is going on because I do not know enough, and I do not know X’s version of the story.
What went wrong? The possibilities are endless. However, one thing I know for sure is… if X had a change of heart, this did not happen overnight. Like you say, you have been sustaining a long distance relationship for 6 months. Things might look well on the surface, but he might have had a tough time trying to keep the LDR going. And when you had that minor argument, however minor, for him, it is the breaking point. Or he might not see the relationship going anywhere as he’s in Singapore and you are in HK. And even though he really IS committed, he just does not see a future.
Bottom line is, there is no point for us to speculate. The best way to know what went wrong is to talk to him. See if there is anything you can both do to work things out.
If he is reluctant to talk, then just move on. There is no point trying to beg him to stay. The more you call him and SMS him, the more you will be seen as ‘lower value’ to him.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be strong, and work on being a better and stronger person. And by then who knows? He might be the one coming back to beg for your forgiveness. And it will then be up to you whether you still want him back.
I know things are not going to be easy. In these times, support from friends would be most important. Hang out with your girlfriends, take up a new hobby, go on a trip you have always wanted to go and eventually, you will meet someone who will cherish you for who you are. Jiayou!
Readers, please do feel free to chip in to help J out, thanks!