I known M from the net since September last year and we become closed as brother and sister. But the feelings grow more deeper. I fall for him and he told me the same thing that he love me too since day 1. The relationship goes on and we become more close and intimate. We never met and just contacting each other tru the phone and online. We even exchange pictures and gifts. But the problem is he is a married man. Married for 12 years and without kids. At the beginning of our “bro & sis” thing… he told me all his problem – family problem, his relationship with wife, financial problem and many more. I started to feel pity and that makes me care and love him more.

Lastly we declared as lovers after 4 months knowing tru the net. He told me that he wants to marry me when he settled down his divorce case with his wife. He claimed that he’s not happy with his wife and his wife doesnt respect him as a husband. He told me these before we reveal our feelings to each other.  

Violet, Im not sure whether im taking the right decision. Please help me. Do i have to continue our relationship or to i need to step out and leave? I never told this to anyone…and i cant bear any longer for not sharing with someone and i thought that you’re the right person to seek for advices.

Thanking you in advanced violet…and God bless.


Dear S,

Thank you for your email!

I am sure you are feeling very lost and confused at the moment. You are wondering what is the right thing to do. Your head tells you one thing, but your heart tells you the other. There are many women who have been in your situation, and most often than not, it does not end up well. Of course, there will be cases where the man actually divorce his wife, and then live happily ever after with his true love. But those cases are rare.

There are several questions you have to ask yourself:
(1) Is this truly love, or is your maternal instinct taking over? Are you feeling sorry for him, and you want to look after him?
(2) If this man is as good as he sounds, would he be cheating on his wife? If he can cheat on the woman whom he is married to for 12 years, what makes you think he is not seeing another woman apart from you?
(3) Have you met him face-to-face? From your email, I am not sure whether you have actually met up with him. Sometimes people are not who they seem, they might portray themselves differently online and offline. There are many ‘cheats’ and ‘conmen’ out there, and the easiest way to prey on unsuspecting ladies is through online. So please be careful. If you are meeting him, make sure you meet at a public place, or bring a friend with you.
(4) Do you know him enough to trust him? Have you met his friends or colleagues? What you know about him now is what “his side” of the story. How do you know if he is telling the truth?

S, there are plenty of fishes out there. Do not tie youself down to someone who has strings attached. If he truly loves you, then he would divorce his wife first, then start a relationship with you. Why would a man put the woman he loves at the side line?

Meanwhile, occupy yourself with new hobbies and activities. Widen your social circle. Go out with your friends. And who knows, you might meet the right one along the way.

Take care! And do email me again if you have any problems. All the best!

Love, Violet

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