Came across this theory by Robert Sternberg recently… and thought I would share it with you.

According to him, for a relationship to last, and to grow with time… the couple must experience 3 things:

Passion, Intimacy and Commitment, in no particular order. He describes passion as physical and sexual attraction. Intimacy is the closeness and the connection, especially in communication. And commitment is easiest describe as marriage. And the strongest relationship is a relationship where all these aspects grow at the same rate like an equilateral triangle.

If there is only passion, that is called infatuation.

If there is only intimacy, that is called friendship.

If there is only commitment, that is called empty love.

If there is passion and intimacy, but no commitment, that is romantic love.

If there is passion and commitment, but no intimacy, that is fatuous love.

If there is intimacy and commitment, but no passion, that is companionate love.

If there is passion, intimacy and commitment, that is the most ideal of love… consummate love.

Many marriages, as time goes by, end up in ‘empty love’ as the passion is gone, and the intimacy too wanes. And the only thing holding the marriage together is the commitment.

Or in other marriages, the passion is there… but there is no communication. The couple simply does not grow together, and their paths hardly converge.

I thought his was a great theory because it helped to explain many of the relationships that I have come across. Of course, theory is often easier said than done. But, let’s all strive to achieve the equilateral triangle! Jiayou!

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This week has been an absolute madhouse… have been busy with the launch of the Matchmaking Institute in South East Asia.

Some of you might know that prior to starting my business, I flew over to NY to attend a course in matchmaking. Yes! I did that, and I learnt so much! I am the first Asian who attended the course.

And 4 years later, the co-founders - Lisa Clampitt & Jerome Chasques decided to bring the Institute to South East Asia, as there has been such a huge demand for the course. And we have worked together to localize the course content to make it more relevant to the students.

Jamie and I are really excited with the launch of MMI here in SEA as we have always wanted to do more for the industry, especially seeing a lot of passionate matchmakers wanting to help, but might not have the necessary know-how and tools to go about it…

To read more about the launch…

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/cna/20080409/tap-340260-231650b.html

http://www.straitstimes.com/Video%2BNews/Singapore/STIVodcast_3975.html?playid=3975&type=Singapore

Having a photo taken with the amazing Lisa!

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Dear Violet, I recently met this nice, wonderful girl. You could say she is perhaps the dream girl I have been waiting for all these while.But there is a catch here: she is a staunch Christian and it is important for her to find someone who shares the same beliefs and values as her. The problem is, I am not a Christian but I do not mind whatever faith the girl believes in. But the same cannot be said about her.

What should I do?

Sincerely, K

Dear K,

Thank you for your email!

This is a tricky one. There is no quick and fast solution. As a believer myself, I can understand where your girl is coming from. Especially, if she is a staunch Christian, I think it is probably very important for her to share her life with someone who is of a similar faith and has similar religion depth.

A few questions for you - are you open to finding out more about her religion? And are you open to subsequently converting to her religion when you are ready? If the answers to these questions are YES, then I think there is a higher chance that things could work out between the both of you.

However, like in any relationships, it takes two hands to clap. Is your girl willing to wait for you to find out more about her religion with the potential of accepting Christ one day? If she expects that the person whom she dates MUST be a Christian to start off with, I would say that it is difficult for you to change her mind.

There are many inter-faith relationships that have worked out. However, it is based on the common understanding that the couple accepts each other’s faith. There have also been cases where one party eventually converts to the other’s religion as well… but it must be of the person’s own free will of course!

To conclude, from my personal experience of working with clients of different belief systems… it is not easy to convince someone to date out of their religion preference, and I don’t believe we should persuade people to do so as well because religion is a very personal decision. And even if they reluctantly agree at this point, they would more often than not change their mind subsequently. 

All the best, and may things work out for you!

Sincerely, Violet

P/S: Dear readers, do you have any personal experiences or advice to share with K? Please feel free to comment!

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After some hectic weeks, finally had some quality time with the family. Brought babe to East Coast Park. It was his first Beach day-out! We built sandcastles, had ice-cream (at least hubby and I did), and cycled around the park on a family bike. It was my first time on a family bike… and at first, we had some problems coordinating. But after that, we were like pros, making u-turns etc. And the best thing is to see babe smiling and enjoying himself.

Looking forward to more of todays.

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I have not been updating my blog regularly as I have been working on a ’secret’ project. And since the project is no longer  a secret… I can tell you about it now…! Haha!

Lunch Actually is launching in Hong Kong soon! Yes, my dear readers who are based in HK and have been bugging me to open a branch there… I have been listening to you. And our office will be opening its door in the very near future. I am actually sitting in a cafe in Central, typing this blog entry. The weather has just turned cold today, again. I enjoy this sort of weather actually. Just that I really should have brought my jacket out this morning. But I ‘intelligently’ decided against it. Oh well…

I have been having lots of fun meeting lots of nice Hong Kongers in the past few days. And they are all really excited about our launch. In my profession, you will always have people approaching you at Networking Events, once they know what you do.

So, if you are in HK, or have single friends in HK who would like to be informed about our launch, drop me a line now!

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Haha… do I sound like a crazy and excited teenager, screaming after meeting my idol? Hehe!

Anyway, yes, I met Eunice Olsen today as our company has been invited to be featured on Episode 5 of the brand new talk show on Channel 5 - Rouge! (Remember to watch it - it’s screening on Sunday, 6th April)

Have heard so much about Eunice, and have seen so much of her on magazines and TV. For those of you who are not currently in Singapore, read more about Eunice here.

I was never too sure what to think about Eunice, as there had been some not so nice writeups about her especially after she did not attend the swearing-in ceremony after being nominated as a MP. And pretty girls often have it tough, as many people feel that they are just another pretty face.

But anyway… after meeting Eunice today up, close and personal… and being interviewed by her, chatting with her etc., she is just about the most down-to-earth celebrity I have met! She’s personable, affectionate, non-pretentious…

Haha… I do sound like a raving fan right?

But the point is… we should never judge a book by its cover. Often, we box people up. E.g. beauty queens are probably bimbotic, or engineers are boring, or lawyers are crooks… Just like, when we go out on a first date, we should never be too quick to judge, as you never know the person deep within unless you take some time to get to know him/her better. There is often an unpolished gem beneath.

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Dear Violet,

My boyfriend and best friend HATE each other they fight over the stupidest resons like who do I have dinner with and who do I go to the movies with on the weekends and I can’t take it any more. What should i do???

I want to pick my bestfriend but then again what about my boyfriend he will feel left out and I want to pick my boyfriend but what about my best friend???

All I want is for then to get along but how do I do that??

Sincerely, Peace Lover

*****

Dear Peace Lover,

Question, is your best friend a guy or a girl? If your best friend is a guy, then it explains why your boyfriend does not get along with him as he might feel threatened by your best friend.

Anyway, here are 3 quick solutions to your dilemma.

1. Understand the root of the problem. Sit your boyfriend down one day, and casually find out the reason that he cannot get along with your best friend. There might be an incident that happened along the way which you have no idea of. Do the same with your best friend.

2. Clear all misunderstandings and/or mis-communication. After finding out the root of the problem, play ‘peacemaker’. Instead of trying to force them to love each other, find an opportunity where you can help to clear any misunderstandings or mis-communication.

3. Have a heart-to-heart talk with them. If all else fail, tell them how much it means to you for them not to fight all the time. And if they are mature enough and truly love you, they will make some effort to get along. Help them find some common grounds. Maybe they like a similar hobby or sports? When people are having fun, they are less likely to yell at each other.

Good luck!

Sincerely, Violet

Short Note: A new poll is up, go check it out!

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