Watched Brokeback Mountain at the cinema last night…

It was one of the most thought provoking movies I have watched in ages. It is one of those movies that linger on in your mind, while you walk out of the cinema, and even when you wake up the next morning. The type of movies that you think about the details and discover things that you never appreciated until that very moment…

If Ang Lee’s objective was to make people more aware of what gays truly go through and make us appreciate the fact that it’s not their fault - they did not choose to be this way, but they are just this way… then, he definitely succeeded. 

Well, to put it very briefly, the movie is about two gay cowboys. They met through a summer job, looking after sheep in Brokeback Mountain . They never knew they were gays till then. After that summer, they went separate ways… starting their own families – getting married and having kids. They rekindled their romance 4 years later, and continued their relationship over the next 20 years.

I will not go into too many details as I do not want to spoil it for those of you who are planning to watch it. For those of you who are thinking whether to catch it, all I can say is… it definitely deserve those 4 Golden Globe Awards.

Well, some people might find it difficult stomaching some of the intimate scenes… Jamie was trying to look anywhere but the screen at those moments. I can imagine why - it happened to me a couple of months ago, when we were on the bus home. There were two schoolgirls making out right in front of me and I was just squirming and trying to look somewhere else.

Anyway, apart from that… it’s a fantastic and thought-provoking movie! So go and catch it if you can.

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The weirdest thing happened today.

Someone called the office, and spoke to one of my dating consultants.

“My boyfriend B is a member of yours. He would like to put his membership on hold. He’s too busy to call, that’s why I am calling on his behalf.”

“Erm… I am sorry but may I know who this is on the line?”

“My name is G.”

“Are you a member of ours?”

“No.”

“I am sorry but I am not able to assist you. If a member would like to put his or her membership on hold, he or she must call us directly to do so.”

Ok, couple of minutes later, B called up.

“I am calling with regards to my girlfriend’s call.”

So, we assisted B to put his membership on hold.

Then 10 minutes later, G called again.

“So, has my boyfriend called you?”

I don’t know about you, but I found the entire incident absolutely bizarre.

It seems to me that G is quite insecure? Or G just does not trust B?

Trust is such a big issue in a relationship. How do we learn to trust? Especially if we have had a horrid experience!

Jamie told me that I took a long time to finally trust him. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me. As a result, I find it difficult to trust men. It does not help that I know of many people who has cheated on their girlfriends or wives. Hence, I am always weary of girls that he hangs out with or girls that call him out. Especially during the long distance part of our relationship, I think I almost went crazy.

It is difficult for a relationship to grow if there’s no trust. Yet how do we increase trust?

For example, how can I trust Jamie more? Do I enforce that he does not meet up with other women? Or do I enforce that he must tell me about his every move? I mean if he does it out of his own initiative, that’s great! But I should not enforce it on him.

Inspite of what we think, or what we wish – we cannot “own” another person. Even someone who is married has the right to make his or her own choices. We can’t make him/her do anything.

We can only look for trust within ourselves. We need to see things from a different perspective - that only I can be in control of MYSELF. I cannot be in control of someone else’s life. 

We can’t place our well-being in someone else’s hands. We cannot live thinking, “I will be happy if he does this or if he does not do that.” Taking responsibility for our own actions empowers us. Trying to make others responsible burdens us.

Back to my story, I learnt to trust again. Because I realized that it was not fair that I blame Jamie for all the other people’s shortcomings. I should take responsibility for my relationship, and I decided to judge him based on who he is and has been to me, rather than my past experiences.

Learning to trust is not easy. But at least it’s better than not trusting.

*Share with me your thoughts!

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Hiya… very happy today!

Was telling my colleague… wah, I feel so loved this year… (She said, “You mean you were not loved the years before?” Haha!)

So many birthday wishes! To May, Heng, Lian, Jean, Patt, Joey, Kea, Yin2 who sent me SMS/email greetings… thanks! You girls are the sweetest, thanks for remembering!

Special mention to my best friend Yi… thanks for the birthday card! Wah!!! It’s so rare to receive a non-virtual card… and my best friend will without fail send me one year after year…!

And of course, my dearest husband… see the roses & iris?

I am 26 this year… embracing another year of age with hopes, dreams and aspirations! 

Post Note: Wow… so many birthday wishes this year… after I posted this entry… many more wishes came swarming in… really appreciate you wonderful folks for remembering. Am genuinely touched. This really makes me think I should start keeping a birthday list… because sometimes as we get so involved in our own lives, we tend to forget how such a small gesture can make such a big difference to someone’s life. Once again, my dearest friends, thanks a million!

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Some friends might say… what do you know about letting go? Your life has almost been perfect. Haha… I will not deny that I have not had a rough life compared to some other people. But I have had my fair share of ups and downs. And many a times, I feel that is the way you look at the situation that can change the tide.

“It is not the circumstance that determines your experience in life, but your perspective that does.”

I remember the break-up with my first ex. It was an excruciating experience. I was depressed. My weight plummeted. Well, not such a bad thing I guess. My weight has never gone to that new low ever again. I was moping around so much that my mum was getting worried about me. And seeing her so upset, upset me even further! I even wore one week of ‘black’ to mourn my loss. My goodness, I can’t believe that I did all those things then. But, well – I did. And the thought that I had was, “I don’t think I will ever meet someone who is as good as him.” And I continued to mope.

How did I get out of depression? Wonderful friends help. Meeting new people help.

My second break-up was a lot easier. I still was depressed for a while. But I bounced back quickly. And I remember making a conscious decision of letting go and moving on.

Maybe it is that decision that enables my second ex and I to still be friends. It is also that decision that allowed me to move on to my third relationship and start on a white sheet, with no burdens or baggage.

A couple of days ago, Girlfriend told me she wants to die. She told me she wanted no other than him. She feels terrible.

I told Girlfriend. Perhaps you want to be in this state.

And she said… yes, to a certain extend, she enjoys being in this situation, because by hurting for him, it makes her feel good. Think girlfriend is in no state to move on… because she’s deriving too much pleasure from moping for him. I guess in a way, even by moping for him, she feels closer to him.

I am at a loss of words actually. I did not really know what to say to Girlfriend. Perhaps the only advice I can offer is, the advice I a friend gave me in the past.

It is ok to mope and depressed for a while. Stay as long as you need in “the well”… but not too long because the world is going to pass you by. You might even start to feel very comfortable down there, as you are so used to the darkness and dampness of it all. You might even begin to think what’s so great of the outside world, too bright, too sunny.

But as you see someone dropping you a rope to get you out, maybe it is really time to hold on to the rope, and move on.

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Wow, am so happy today! I am now a magazine columnist! This is a first for me! Saw the article in print today. Wow, I almost cannot believe my eyes. The Features Editor CF was so sweet… she brought over a copy of the magazine for me.

It’s fresh from the oven! If you would like to read my first Relationship Q&A column, go get a copy of March’s Cittabella (Malaysia) today!

Ok (still smiling), time for bed. Will write again tomorrow… about ‘letting go’.

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Valentine’s Day has come and gone.

So how did you celebrate?

V-Day has been said to be too commercialized. Read in the newspapers that someone bought 999 roses for his loved one, and spent close to $10,000 on it! Amazing huh?

So… what did I receive from Jamie? J Well, this is actually quite funny. He actually wanted to surprise me and he ordered flowers for me in Singapore. However, he suddenly realized that I am actually going to be in KL, Malaysia ! Anyway, so he cancelled his order.

No, he did not order flowers in KL. Instead, he bought me a pillow! J It is a really plushy and cushy pillow. On one side, it has a bear holding a heart, and on the other side it says ‘my love’. Haha! When he took it out of his bag and gave it to me, it really put a big smile to my face! J I absolutely love it! Some people might say that I am easily pleased huh?

Talking about this suddenly reminds me of the point system that women keep. Men often think that the bigger the present, or the more the flowers, they would score more points. But actually for women, it’s the frequency that counts. No matter how big the bouquet is, or how expensive the gift is, that is still counted as one.

Strange but true… it is not like once you have bought her a real expensive gift, you do not need to buy her any more gifts for the next two years. Chances are, she rather you get her meaningful gifts, presented at the right moment, throughout the relationship.

I do not remember what the biggest bouquet Jamie bought me is. I cannot even remember some of the gifts that he has bought me for Christmas, Valentines or my birthday. But I do remember those gifts that he bought me out of the blue… a bouquet of flowers to cheer me up, a pink plush toy from 7-Eleven because he thought that would really make me smile, or that story book he penned and illustrated himself.

When it comes to getting gifts for a loved one, as the old saying goes… it is the thought that counts. Not how much it costs, or how big or small it is…

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Hiya!

I know this is kind of belated… but I was just so tired by the time I came home last night, that I just crawled into the arms of hubby and sleep.

I survived the V-Day challenge! Yay! Even though, I only managed to write 5 out of the 7 Tip or Myth.

Ok, have to get ready for work now. Will tell you later what hubby got me for V-Day!

Have a glorious day today!

Sincerely, Violet

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